My Life in Art

It has been so long since I posted anything…here goes with art. I’ve been painting more than I’ve been writing, and lately I’ve been painting landscapes adorned by fine black lines that make me feel like I’ve been writing. I’m going to share a few here, to memorialize what I’ve been up to. Many are based on a trip we took to the American Southwest–Ian, Erik, Chad, and me–in August 2016, the summer before Chad died. It was a special time even as we lived it, made even more so by memory and loss and longing. I hope you like my paintings. They are somehow a way of telling a story that connects me to my son and a time that will not come again.

Under a ledge at Slide Rock State Park, Arizona

We spent a day at a park called Slide Rock, where we rode down a chute through a canyon.

The River Where You Pulled Me Out

I jumped in the Colorado River when we went rafting in Moab, but then could not pull myself back into the raft. Chad grabbed me by my lifevest and hoisted me back in–not once, but twice, for I do not learn from my mistakes. And it was a hot day.

Shelter

We sought shelter in the shadows of rocks from the heat and the sun. I imagine them now as bright colors and easy places, but they were hard hikes and hot days. Memory transforms everything, doesn’t it?

Framed: Practicing Art, Creativity, and Love in My Home

I grew up in the art galleries of Washington, DC, taken there by my art student mother. We saw most major exhibitions that came to the Smithsonian in the seventies, as well as many that opened at the Corcoran, and I accompanied her to some galleries on Seventh Street, which was then a rundown collection of studios in buildings that had once been the shopping district of the city. We saw a few poetry readings there too, something that nurtured my own growing love of language and a desire to own it with my own poems.

It should have been no surprise to my parents that when the famed East Wing opened my high school boyfriend and I would often skip school to catch the subway to it. We were at a school for gifted math and science students, and our gifts could not be contained by those four walls—we had each other and were full of ideas. One of those was always to see what was at the East Wing. Our other practiced art was each other, a discipline in which we became experts that summer of 1979.

Now my house is full of art: Every wall is covered with art, some with paintings stacked like the Louvre–but those would be walls with my art, naïve paintings that I began to make the year my 94 year old grandmother died and I found my writing voice silenced for the first time in my life. I found that color was the only voice I had, and so I began to draw. At first, I drew cartoonish figures of memories: In my grief, I compiled images of all the things she and I had done together, or that my other grandmother and I had done together. I compiled these little drawings in a collection that I called, What Are Mothers For? but more aptly could have been called, Why I Needed You.

From there I became hooked on paints: watercolors, acrylics, alcohol inks, gouache. My supplies began to appear in rooms throughout the house: my office, the dining room, the living room. Spare surfaces became easels. The closets filled with random art supplies which grew to include beads, wires, tiles and more. The more I made and the more art stores I visited, the more I seemed to need. Watercolor paper, multimedia paper, sketch paper, drawing paper, paper of all sizes. Frames, glass, mats….there is no end to the supplies an artist—no matter how amateur—can amass.

And all of that work needs a place to be. It was not enough for me to fill volumes of sketchbooks and pages of journals with the things I was making. Some pieces that I made were so precious to me that I had to frame them. They represented something new I had created, or some bit of a moment I wanted to record. They marked something I had achieved, or thought I had achieved, in my development as an artist. Never mind that I had not taken a class or read a book…I simply watched other artists, joined an artists guild where friendly artists encouraged my nascent attempts, and I was gone.

When I painted a sunflower that approximated the look of a sunflower? I framed it. A watercolor of my son that almost looked like a boy diving into the river? Framed. A triptych of bright colors that had an impressionistic bent? Framed. Soon, the entire entryway to my house was full of my mother’s art—her beautifully rendered work, the work of a master—and mine, done between the ages of 53 and 58, as if a kindergartener had been set loose with a budget  to frame anything that caught her eye.

On the other hand, the bright works surround me with what I love: color, design, and art, things I have been seen all my life as the daughter of an artist. My walls feature art that my mother, Mary Hourihan Lynch, has created over various points in her long career, starting with a trip she took to Normandy my junior year of high school and she had just graduated from college. She brought back canvases rolled in tubes from where she had painted them in fields along the French coast, a plein air experience that cured her, she says, of ever wanting to paint outdoors again. My painting hangs above my bed, a beautiful impressionistic garden outside a cottage—it is near dark and the flowers emerge in a gorgeous tangle of color and abandon against the white of the cottage. The painting is small, not more than 18 x 24 inches. I have carried it with me from a college dorm in 1980 to my first apartment to the house where I have lived now for 24 years.

Another favorite is a large abstract canvas in gradations of purple and blue with an object about two-thirds along the horizon that might be a sailboat. The painting is actually something she made while painting something else—this was simply a way of cleaning off a palette-full of colors she had mixed and liked.

While these canvases and a few others hang flat like traditional canvasses, most others hang out from the wall, the three-dimensional sculpted or shaped canvases my mother has spent her career inventing and perfecting. On the inside these look the interior of early airplanes, delicate pieces of wood carefully supporting frames of canvas. But this is deceptive because the pieces are strong and sturdy and, once hung, appear to be as strong as any other well-built canvas.

Of these, my favorite is one called Kimono. It is about 4.5 feet tall and, at its farthest points, as wide. It is two pieces that swoop across each other with a belt of sweeping golds and silvers, one with an undulating pattern of wood. The primary colors are shades of purple with muted metallics fanning across, and, behind them, more pieces that fan out in different shades of copper and metal. It is narrow at what might be the waist, but has a gesture of movement, as if a woman is walking away. I have always loved this piece—as much for its movement and architectural finesse as for the fact that purple is my favorite color.

Several years ago I found myself in LaCrosse, Wisconsin, interviewing a just-widowed woman whose husband had been a prominent local figure. I was writing about best practices in end-of-life care and, thanks to that city’s excellent record on advance care planning, her husband had experienced a relatively peaceful end of life. Even so, it was daunting to find myself alone with a newly bereaved woman, asking her probing questions about the final days of her husband’s life and how it had been for her.

Somehow, the story came up of what she had buried him in. Their son had served in Vietnam and on some part of his journey home from that war, he had stopped in Japan and purchased a kimono for his father. The woman laughed. “A kimono! What would his father ever do with a kimono? Where would he wear such a thing?” Apparently, they had kept it wrapped up for thirty or forty years, until the widow had come across it as she tried to decide what to bury her husband in. c

“That kimono seemed just right, it just seemed like the right thing to lay him to rest in,” she said. “People sure were surprised, but there he was, as handsome as could be in his kimono.”

She went on to tell me that she had met her husband when she was a government girl in Washington, DC, during World War II. He was working in the Torpedo Factory in Alexandria, making torpedoes that would be sent down the Potomac to be loaded on to boats and off to war. I gasped when she said this.

“Yes, he even made me a tiny torpedo charm necklace,” she said. “ I wore that everywhere I went for years.”

I happened to have my mother’s business card with me. She has had a studio at the Torpedo Factory for decades, and for many years the image on her card was of the kimono. I took the card from my wallet and explained to the widow that the Factory had long since been converted to artists’ studios where the public could watch artists at work. More than a hundred artists have studios there, I told her, including my mom.

“This is one of her pieces, it’s called ‘Kimono,’” I said.

She looked at it and smiled. “The world is surely full of strange coincidences,” she said, or something to that effect.

I replied,  “I guess God wanted us to meet each other today,” I said. “Something sent me to you.”

She told me more about what it was like to be a young woman in World War II, dancing with a boy who made torpedo necklaces. They were married for more than 50 years. Who’s to say what any of this means. When I got home I finished my assignment, writing about the widow and what it took to fashion a good end of life based on her husband’s wishes. I did not describe his kimono, or my exchange with his widow.

As I write it is the end of Veterans Day 2020. I am looking at the kimono that hangs in my house, thinking about my own grandfather who served in Okinawa for 2 years during that war. The world moves full circle. Art moves us every day. Every piece of art that hangs in my house tells me a story. If I gaze long enough with my eyes clear and focused, I hear the stories. Some people may only see brushstrokes and color, others gaze at art and see nothing; some look and think, “Oh, I could do that.” My foray into art has taught me how much I can’t do. To me, each canvas is a novel. Even my little bits of color in their cheap frames have something to say, if only to me. If the purpose of storytelling is to connect, then the purpose of art is to connect what we see and what we think we know with the emotions and skill the artist presents to us. We must listen closely to hear it. Sometimes we do—and then we are lucky for there are worlds contained in each painting we encounter.   

I Yarn for You

I love to spin a tale. But for months now, I’ve been spun by them. So when my friend sent me a photo of an abstract piece of yarn art she’d seen while in South Africa, I had to smile–and then  make one of my own. When my 28-year old son saw it, he assumed … Continue reading “I Yarn for You”

Photo by Conor Fowler
@Th3NattyProfessor

I love to spin a tale. But for months now, I’ve been spun by them. So when my friend sent me a photo of an abstract piece of yarn art she’d seen while in South Africa, I had to smile–and then  make one of my own. When my 28-year old son saw it, he assumed it was all about stress–but it isn’t at all.

Turn it one way and it’s March, blowing in.

Turn it another, and it’s the bottom of the deep blue.

My son wanted  a picture of me holding it for his new style blog on Instagram, but my hair was a wreck. So I held the canvas in front of my face and called it a self-portrait.

What do you see?

Who would you be?

Have fun with it, or why art at all?

TAGS: yarn bomb, yarn art, stash, Th3NattyProfessor, self portrait, play, March, spring, outsider art

Who Has the Words for Sorrow?

After my son Chad died, so many people wrote me and noted that they simply had “no words.” Others hugged me and said the same thing. What they had, I know, was love, for Chad, my family, and me. I understood just what they meant, for I had no words either, and no way to … Continue reading “Who Has the Words for Sorrow?”

After my son Chad died, so many people wrote me and noted that they simply had “no words.” Others hugged me and said the same thing. What they had, I know, was love, for Chad, my family, and me. I understood just what they meant, for I had no words either, and no way to express the depth of sorrow, regret, and longing created by his death. As someone somewhere wrote, an entire chapter has been torn from the book of our family. It will never be rewritten.

The other day, I went into the basement to put in a load of laundry. When the kids were growing up, the boys were relegated to the basement, where they could fart, yell, make a mess, and create walls of Axe without causing me too much distress. I was home alone, trying to recover from a double whammy of the flu and then pneumonia.

And yet it seemed that someone else had been there. I don’t know why it felt this way, as if the doors had suddenly been closed, or the curtains pulled shut. I had an overwhelming sense that Chad was right next to me, and that if I could only turn my vision just so, I would be able to see him again, and hold him, and tell him how beloved he was, and how we missed him. I would be able to tell him to be at peace, and that it would be okay, that he could rest.

But I could not seem to turn. Instead, I cried. I tried to make myself laugh, remembering the time we had an earthquake and the two of us—Chad, over six-feet tall!–thought we should seek shelter in the bathtub. Times I heard him singing to himself. Times between times.

I cannot draw Chad, so I draw birds, flowers, an owl or two. Anything that for a moment feels like the words I wanted to say and never could.

 

 

Key words:

Chad Jameson, grieving, compassion, sympathy, what to say, loss of a child, support, saying goodbye, grief

What Does The Giraffe Say?

Since Ian turned 16 on 11/27/17, thought I’d brighten things up my drawing my favorite creature (a giraffe), and that little bird (aka, dodomommy). Enjoy. As e.e. cummings wrote: it takes courage to grow up and become who you really are. Forsythia in flower, November 27, 2017 Or as Mother Nature has long told us, expect … Continue reading “What Does The Giraffe Say?”

Since Ian turned 16 on 11/27/17, thought I’d brighten things up my drawing my favorite creature (a giraffe), and that little bird (aka, dodomommy).

Enjoy. As e.e. cummings wrote: it takes courage to grow up and become who you really are.

Forsythia in flower, November 27, 2017

Or as Mother Nature has long told us, expect the unexpected. It may be a tiny beauty, or something terrible. Be glad that you are above ground.¥

 

 

Tags: birthday, giraffe, dodomommy, forsythia, November, quotatons, e.e. cummings, poetry, artwork

I Art, Or Am I?

Years of writing about aging–and what  Judith Peres calls the “vicissitudes of aging” — taught me that age as a number, a construct, a device. With a degree in math and a poet’s sensibilities, I have cruised through time, thinking that it did not quite apply to me. Or to anyone, really. We would all somehow … Continue reading “I Art, Or Am I?”

Years of writing about aging–and what  Judith Peres calls the “vicissitudes of aging” — taught me that age as a number, a construct, a device. With a degree in math and a poet’s sensibilities, I have cruised through time, thinking that it did not quite apply to me. Or to anyone, really. We would all somehow carry on along this blue planet, our mortal coil. Despite sorrows and losses, we could hold each other up, and forever was one more convenient imaginary number. I could split that, too….

My body differs and jolts me with its own realities. It contains time, no matter how I count it. These bones are no longer 18, nor these eyes, no matter what BuzzFeed or some Facebook quiz calculates of my vision. 

Watercolor Pencil: Testing my Hand

Ditto for my hearing: my grandmother was right when she urged me to “turn down that caterwauling.” I have said something similar when one-too-many Kendrick Lamar tunes has blasted through some speaker in my house.

Even Bruce Springsteen is my father’s age. And when I refrain from Dancing in the Dark in my orchestra seats at the Walter Kerr theater come November, my Verified Seats will be in the handicapped area, thanks (I guess?) to several autoimmune conditions that flare at strange times and make walking and breathing a challenge.

Bruce, RFK, August 1985

HOWEVER, I am the daughter and granddaughter and descendant of so many strong women (and men, but it is the women I knew best) who gave up homes, families, opportunities…for reasons I cannot presume to know, but assume must have been to better their lives.  Have I done the same? Not often enough, but I pray and hope and think that I have raised strong people.

And I, too, persist, though I no longer think I will last so long as my paternal grandmother, whom my kids knew as Meme, who lived into her nineties. Or some of my mother’s relatives, who managed the same. They had some grit that I have scattered elsewhere in the course of this living. Perhaps I will gather it again.

Whatever or wherever that grit is, I am now beyond half done this life, for that is how the years add up. And the blues may be simply knowing that I have so much yet to learn, and yet not done. I am not ever going to be ready red hats and purple sparkles. More like my hero, Bonnie Raitt, whose website has this to say of her newest album, Dig in Deep:

 … Bonnie Raitt continues to personify what it means to stay creative, adventurous, and daring over the course of a legendary career. “I’m feeling pretty charged, and the band and I are at the top of our game,” she says. “This period of my life is more exciting and vital than I was expecting, and for that I’m really grateful. At this point, I have a lot less to prove and hey, if you’re not going to ‘Dig In Deep’ now, what’s the point?”

Bonnie Raitt Owns the Stage in DC, July 2017

How can I feel half done here, with so much yet to do? For instance, how will I roam around Annapolis on 9/19 for the SketchCrawl when I’ve just learned to draw?  My mother, artist  Mary Lynch, works five days each week in her studio at the Torpedo Factory Art Center. What some people call a Muse she has described as a monkey on her back. She says she has no time to waste. She and Bonnie Raitt are about he same age, too. Like Bonnie, my mother is not playing a game, she’s not dabbling. She digs deep and creates objects that have not ever been made before.

Still Life with Fruit

For my 55th birthday, she gave me a portable easel, which Ian, my 15-year old, set up for me just last night. I have watched it most of the day, and worked at a small watercolor for a friend.

Portable Easel Awaits Artist

How to paint something large, when I have only learned to do small things? There is only today. Only these hands. This moment. Here I go. What will you learn, old friends and new? What’s stopping you? What motivates you? I’d love to know. Share your ideas in the comments. Let’s go.